Things are starting to get me down. My career has incrementally crept into every aspect of my life. My body aches and I have developed an aversion to Winter. My attempts at creativity are desultory, my flat lays are … well, flat. I thought I needed a hug, turns out I need hygge.
It’s a Danish way of life. Danes are the happiest people in the world and I want to get in on it. Hygge is a feeling of coziness, a feeling of warmth and comfort. The last time I truly felt like this was a century ago. Superficially, I can feel coziness all the time. My bed is made with linen with a high thread count, my pajamas are snug, my book is well read and worn, my electric blanket is on and the cat purrs in a puddle at my back. On the surface I couldn’t be more cozy but my mind is not even registering the bed that I have spent so much time and effort curating. It is darting in a million directions and when I fall into a restless sleep I dream of a never ending To Do List that highlights my failings as a wife, mother, friend, colleague, daughter, sister and human being.
It’s hard being a human.
I anticipate that this search won’t be as simple as enjoying every cup of tea or moment with my family. Life is busy and overwhelms a person so fast, often the first breath I take is when I fall into my cozy bed and am overtaken by the crushing weight of stress. I recently discovered that I am fueled by adrenaline, my adrenal gland is constantly pumping out fight or flight messages because my stress levels are sky rocketing. I will break my body and I will break my heart.
I have ordered my guide, Meik Wiking’s The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living is flying towards me nestled in plastic and cardboard and I hope that we become good friends. Until then, tonight I will enjoy my bath with my favourite soap, enjoy the sight of my sleeping son curled up with his soft badger toy and wrap myself around my husband, enjoying the warmth of his body and feeling his beating heart. That’s all I can commit to right now.
It’s a small step in mitigating the damage that I have caused myself.
But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep – Robert Frost